My problem with "falling in love" is that it sounds like you accidentally tripped into something. Now you are laying in the grass looking up at someone, who with the sun perfectly highlighting their silhouette, looks perfect. Standing above you they are larger then life. Now here in comes the complication. After some time has passed and the hormonal euphoria has worn off , you stand up. Now the once larger then life, perfect partner, no longer looks so amazing. Maybe there not so great hygiene or obsessive nose picking has finally gotten under your skin. Maybe it's the little things or maybe a neon sign across the billboard of your relationship, either way, you were completely blind to it because...wait for it....yup, because you "fell in love".
I do think that in the beginning there is a certain amount of blindness. I also think that over time people choose what they are willing to deal with and over look in another's short comings or faults. However, if the blindness is blamed on an uncontrollable moment that you of course never saw coming...open your eyes. Being in love and in a relationship is a choice. You can choose to take the bliss with the bad or you can choose to live in the bachelor and bachelorrett world of one night stands and short term relationships. For some the euphoric early moments in a relationship are just enough to keep them going. For others the challenge of marriage and family is just the type of marathon that they have always wanted.
Again though, it's a choice. Not something that one accidentally trips and falls into.I have definitely been on both sides of this game. There was a time where I was happy not being anybodies other half. There was also a time in my life when I should have settled down and been more open to sharing my life. I've been divorced because of playing the blind role. In fact when I "stood up", I realized that not only did I not like the man I married, but I was disgusted at myself for having stepped into the situation in the first place. I loved some and bailed on others. I have hurt those who cared when I was too busy and/or scared to give my all. However, looking back now, I literally "made my bed " every time.
Then it happened...I was definitely not looking. In fact, I had built my walls and no-one was "ever" getting in again. How many have said that,"I'm never dating anyone ever again". I really was totally alright with becoming a crazy old lady with to many cats. My heart had been torn apart and I knew it was completely my own fault. So I set forth into my lonely future to wallow in my self inflicted pity, for the rest of forever. Dramatic right? Well that was what I had done to myself at the time. Then this smooth talking, cocky guy tried to trip me up. He had no idea what he was up against. He really thought he could trip me and I'd fall in love. I tried to put up my best defense (it wasn't very good). He was good looking and he knew it. He was a smooth talker and, Oh crap, he had a son. I, was at the time, a single mom of two girls. Needless to say, I didn't last tough for very long.
After getting married and having a couple more kids, here I am. The reason I'm writing about the whole crazy love thing is because I know from experience that it takes work. I hear so often of those who "fall in love" and then can't understand where things went wrong years or months into it. I have so many friends and family who just don't make it. I think there are circumstances where couples just grow apart and it can happen to anyone. Not that I'm hoping on it, but I realize it could happen to my relationship as well. All I'm saying is that, I wouldn't be blind to it if it did happen. I am fully aware in my relationship, not hormonally blinded. I made the choice to try to make it work and if it didn't, I would make the choice to walk away.
I know that too many that I love find themselves confused on why they can't find that perfect match. My opinion is that there are several possibilities. Keep your eyes open and don't wait for to "fall". Walk into a possibility, carrying your own weight on your own two feet. Be open to seeing the challenges from the get go and decide if it's worth it. Also, figure out what you are ready for. Maybe at this time, all you are able to offer is short term, and that's fine. But be honest with yourself instead of being disappointed when it is suddenly over. I know, I know, dating advice from me of all people. But no, it's not meant to be like that. I just have such a hard time with the surprise every time someone i care about "falls in love" and can't understand that through the love blinders they have been fooled. Then their prince or super model turns out to be more of a hermit crab that only came out of the shell long enough to make their way into your home.
So for all of those who i love, be open, you never know when fate will play a part in your hearts choices. Don't set your mind to hoarding cats just yet. And for all of my lovely friends and family who are going for the long term... Put your all into it. If you end up being that happy old couple on the bench...congratulations on setting the bar just a little higher and making young love drunk couples have a romantic, and hopeful moment. If not, don't feel like a statistic. Take from a loving relationship, all that it has to give. If you've given your all, then hold your head up... True love does exist... maybe some relationships are simply long term practice for the real thing. There is such a thing as true love. That passionate, floating on air, the world stops spinning type of love. It's not just in movies, but it's also not something that you are gonna close your eyes and accidentally fall into!